Last night there was a poodlechilapomadoodledoberdoodle in my backyard eating the stale bread I left for the little Cinderella-like singing birds...a family tradition of mine past on by generations of cheap family members who refuse to throw old food down the garbage disposal and insist that the furry creatures of the world would appreciate it more...a mentality that I do not necessarily disagree with.

I sat on our back stoop wanting to say "Hey punk get outta my yard and stay away from my ghetto bird food" instead I thought I would try to make friends with the pup.   "Helloooooo little fuzzy one come here" (insert annoying kissy pursing lip sounds). What does this ferocious beast do? He yips at me like I'm invading HIS space! Seriously he's like get away from my stale bread and off my grass. I tried to reason with him, I encouraged him to let me pet him and renew my faith in small ugly dogs but no he stuck his butt up in the air walked a few feet away and then POOPED on my bread.  He has made it very clear that I may pay a mortgage for the privilege of owning a backyard but it is not my backyard it's HIS.

At this point I calmly walked back into my house closed the screen door and secured the lock because I fear that dog may try to take over my house.  He may attach an annex to his territory and claim my house as Petoria or JOEhio.